Learning the Hard Way

When you do something for 25 years or so, you think you know some stuff.  Some lessons just have to be learned the hard way.

Some time ago I was asked to name the highest and lowest points of my time in the incentive world.  I had a great career in incentive marketing so it's tough for me to name a single event, but the high point has to be the friends I've made over the years:  employees, competitors, counterparts and customers.  I remain in touch with people I haven't worked with in 20 years, and still feel very connected (could be a Facebook or LinkedIn delusion, but I digress...).

Of course, I can also name a few low points, but the lowest of the low is this particular experience that resulted in an 18-month almost-litigation and some very bad feelings all around.  What had happened was....

Customer "X" decided to combine two programs that shared no elements:  different logos (for imprinted merchandise), separate sales channels, separate customer audiences, separate internal teams.  I could not understand why they expected to reduce program costs under these circumstances.  (Note for future:  if your customer has unrealistic expectations and you can't figure out why, consider that your competitors are promising results that have no chance of occurring.)

We had successfully managed the smaller program for over 7 years.  My first critical error was imagining that a proven track record would count for anything in a bid situation.  My second error was in proposing what I believed the customer needed vs. what they asked for, and honestly described the results they could expect.  The third error was in underestimating the value of outright bullshit and a full-blown fake dog-and-pony show in a corporate bid situation (this is the bitter part...).   The fourth critical error was not fully grasping the politics in play and the strong high-level Sugar Daddy that was supporting the other incumbent.

Long story short, we did not get the program (totally my responsibility - that's not the worst part) and made the really bad decision to partner with the incumbent of the other half of the business that was being combined.  Lots of stuff that I can't talk about here, but suffice to say that combining the processes and cultures of our two organizations proved to be very challenging (big understatement).  Word of caution:  even if you have a fair agreement that has been drafted and reviewed by both side's attorneys...nothing can guarantee that both parties will actually fulfill their end of the agreement. Oops. Work stopped, customer disappointed, partnership over, jobs lost, attorney fees all around.

Three expensive lessons were learned:  First:  I made a decision out of fear instead of according to a business plan, so rather than suck it up right then and lay off people, close an office and move on, I grasped at straws.  My intention to keep people employed just put them through a year of hell before they lost their jobs anyway.  I'm so sorry for that.

The second lesson is true of life as well as "just business":  you can't do a good deal with bad people.  I had a gut feeling that I ignored.  A very wise employee put it this way, "lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas".

Third:  Never, ever, ever (don't ever) agree to arbitration as a remedy in a contract - especially through the American Arbitration Association (AAA).  It's expensive, it takes forever and I understand that "splitting the baby" (charming phrase), or splitting the amount owed is a favorite practice.  (Why on Earth would you want to drag this stuff out for many months only to split the difference?  You need an arbitrator to come up with that solution?!)  Thankfully, we didn't get that far. In hindsight, I would have preferred to just sue and tell my story to a judge.

One more thing:  people are fond of saying, "it's not personal, it's just business".  That is a load. I'm not suggesting that companies never change suppliers or that sometimes it's not the right fit or that sometimes you're going to disappoint people or that sometimes you have to lay off good people.  I'm just saying, be a little human about it. Business is based on relationships, and relationships are personal.  It's all personal.  You don't have to be a jerk about it.

It sounds like I'm still fired up by this but in fact, I let this go years ago - it's not one of my proudest moments but am sharing this as a cautionary tale.  (At the time, my Posse Sisters suggested meditation; I find that I can go into a very relaxing trance walking through the aisles at DSW, thank you very much.)  I can't say I'm exactly grateful for the lessons, but these are mistakes I will never repeat.

People You Can Count On

It's the Holiday season...and that makes it the season of funerals.  I'm not sure why, but more people die around the Holidays than any other time during the year.  A friend of mine who's Mom had been ill for many months, died on Thanksgiving Day a few years ago.  She believes it was her Mom's way of making sure the family remembered exactly when she died.  

I've been to 4 funerals since Thanksgiving and it reinforces for me that funerals are for the living.  The deceased certainly doesn't know you showed up to celebrate their life (unless you channel them later through the Long Island Medium).  The timing of each one of the funerals was inconvenient because it was during the Holiday season - people have plans and are trying to get ready for Christmas, some are traveling, etc.  And at each one, there were people  who flew in or drove for hours to support the family of the deceased.

Most recently, my ex-partner Karen's Dad passed away.  He was a Chicago fire fighter retired for many years, yet many of his former co-workers showed up and shared great stories with the family.  I flew into Midway just for the afternoon viewing and flew out of O'Hare.  Our retired Office Manager (now friend) and her husband who had already driven an hour and a half to get there  picked me up, drove me out to the funeral home in the suburbs and then dropped me off at O'Hare - way out of their way in the scheme of their day.  Another couple who are close to Karen flew in from HAWAII just for the 24 hour period of the viewing and the funeral.  When I suggested to Karen that they really went above and beyond, she said, "those are the kinds of people that we gravitate to". 

That comment really struck something in me because it's so true.  In Design Incentives, those were the types of employees that we attracted, or that gravitated to us.  Our outstanding customer service was the thing most often mentioned as the reason people worked with us and our unofficial mantra (not really appropriate for an official company tag line) was, "we give a shit".   The PG version:  "if it was easy, everyone would be doing it".  We cared enough to do the hard stuff.  Customer calls and needs something overnight and UPS has picked up for the day?  An employee would drive it over to the FedEx hub on their way home from work.  You catch a mistake after something is all packaged up and ready to ship?  You unpack it, fix the mistake and re-pack.  Customer changes the day the bid is due?  You work through the weekend and drive it 3 hours to the customer on Monday morning.  Even now, an ex-employee with whom I still work on a contract basis, helped me by buying a gift going to her side of the state - and then delivered it for me!

The older I get, the more grateful I am for these types of people in my life.   And I'm noticing more and more the people that cannot be counted on.  You make plans with them and and they cancel at the last minute; they commit to performing a task or taking on a project and then have a million excuses as to why it didn't get done; I'm over these people.  

In business, it's suggested that it's beneficial to periodically fire some of your customers - those who don't pay on time, don't appreciate the value of your product or service or are not respectful to your employees.  It makes sense to "un-friend" as well, and not just on Facebook.  In the coming year, I'll be making an even greater effort to be the kind of friend/Service Provider/Board/Committee/Family member who gives a shit, and am not going to feel bad about purposely losing touch with those who don't.    Happy New Year!

Biz Tips for Girl Scouts!

I recently had the opportunity to literally provide business tips to girls - in a 2-part session that I facilitated for Junior Girl Scouts (9 and 10-year olds), helping them to earn their Business Owner badge.  The 10 girls that participated give me great hope for the future.  As we went around the circle introducing ourselves, they said things like, "I'm Amy and I'm Fabulous!" and "I'm Susan and I have "shareholds" in several companies" (she used the wrong term but had a very accurate grasp on what it meant to own stock).  As in any group, some were talkers and some were more reserved, but I saw no self-esteem issues there!  The mission of the Girl Scouts has been refined slightly over 100 years as our culture has changed, but Girl Scouting has always been about leadership.  The current message is:  Girl Scouting builds girls of courage, confidence and character who make the world a better place.  I certainly saw that on these two Tuesday evenings in November.

While obviously rambunctious 9 and 10-year old girls, they were thoughtful and serious about planning their businesses.  We walked through a business plan and they were surprised to learn how much is involved in starting a business. Many decided that the funding to start their businesses would come from their parents;  I suggested a Plan B.  When my friend Nancy came in to talk about banking, and Melanie came in to talk about SBA resources, the girls were also surprised to learn that you actually had to apply for a loan and overcome objections or concerns that the banker or SBA loan officer might have about their business. (They thought the bank was just a money store where you go and and withdraw what you need).  Finally, they drew a picture of their businesses and presented that along with their business plan to the group.

Sometimes I use this as one of my "two truths and a lie" when that game is played at networking events:  I was a Girl Scout from Brownies through Seniors - and then I was a troop co-leader for a mentally impaired troop in Kalamazoo while at Western Michigan University studying Psychology.  It was not particularly cool or un-cool to be a Girl Scout even back when I was in school, but we were lucky to have terrific leaders who made it interesting and rewarding and I remain friends with many of those girls today.  We volunteered at several places including the Detroit Historical Museum (if I survive an apocalypse and we have to start society over from scratch, I can spin wool into yarn on a spinning wheel...I'm just saying).  We took trips to Mystic Connecticut to learn to sail; we traveled to Toronto and Washington, D.C.  Of course, camping is a big part of Girls Scouting.  Some might be surprised to learn that I didn't just participate in pre-primitive camping, but full-out primitive:  digging a hole for the latrine and to wash dishes (different holes of course), pitching a tent and cooking over camp fires built with matches and kindling.  (To be fair, I was younger then and not yet addicted to my curling iron).

My Girl Scout background doesn't often come up in conversation, so I found it curious when I was looking for a place to hold these sessions and reached out to my Posse sister, Tyla, to see if I could use one of her Montessori School classrooms.  Not only did she generously offer her classroom, but helped me moderate the first session - and told me that she was also a Girl Scout for many years.  Then when I asked two more very accomplished friends, Nancy and Melanie, to speak to the girls about business and banking at the second session, I learned that they had also been Girl Scouts.

As a thank-you for doing these sessions, the Volunteer Specialist from the Girl Scouts of Southeastern Michigan gave me a book written by the CEO, Tough Cookies: Leadership Lessons from 100 Years of the Girl Scouts.  It's a fascinating look at how Girl Scouts have impacted society over the years and how the organization is evolving to remain relevant today.  The author and CEO, Kathy Cloninger, shares statistics that we already know:  only 3% of Fortune 500 CEO's are women, women hold just 17% of congressional seats in government and make up only 15% of corporate board directors.  Then she shared a statistic that I did not know:  though only 10% of American girls have been Girl Scouts at any one time, 80% of female senior executives and business owners are former Girl Scouts.  Coincidence?  I think not.

As Tyla was looking around the room, she said she could see all of our other Posse sisters as 9-year old girls (you'll recall from past posts that my Posse is a group of women who seceded from the Woman President's Organization and continue to stay in touch as an informal advisory group for each other - and serve as drinking partners). Almost all of our personalities were in that room.

Now that I'm thinking about it, while I also belong to several "mixed" business groups, I have a long history of joining girl-groups:  Girl Scouts, Executive Women's Golf League, National Association of Women Business Owners, Smart Girls Book Club, Women President's Organization - these associations have provided a strong foundation and an invaluable source of support, guidance, information and resources.  (I can only assume that the Red Hat Society is the logical next step!)

Most people associate Girl Scouts with cookie sales without being aware that the annual cookie sale is a powerful $700 million educational program that underscores their  brand:  developing leadership in girls.  This is not the giant commercial for Girl Scouting that it sounds like, but it IS about the importance of encouraging girls to develop their leadership potential. We have a leadership crisis in this country and until women are involved at a higher percentage, we're only tapping the potential of half of our population.

So as Sheryl Sandberg points out in her book, Lean In, when your daughter/niece/student starts to sound "bossy", please do not use that B-word:  tell her you're excited to see that she's exhibiting leadership potential.  Maybe we'll see her in the future as the CEO of a Fortune 100 company that she founded - or (if she sets her sights lower) as President of the United States!

Odd Jobs

I'm at the age now where our kids and their cousins are all graduating from college and moving out into the workforce to get "real" jobs (different than their jobs during high school and college).  They seem to be very determined to find the perfect job, and they're a little disturbed that the jobs in their major field of study no longer seem to appeal to them, or are not as they expected.  Just when you think you know what you want to be when you grow up - not so much.  Some of us are STILL trying to figure that out.

I have been doing my best to share these truths with the youngsters:

1) your first job will probably suck
2) few people are working in their major field of study (Doctors and Attorneys aside...and even some of them have changed careers....)

Here are a couple of my first jobs after college:  (by the way - Behavioral Psych major / Business Management minor.  I intended to be an administrator at a group home or sheltered workshop for mentally impaired...until I discovered how little that paid.  Business Management to the top of the resume!)

Record Copy Services:  It was just that.  They copied records for attorneys.  (Think before the internet, before email, before computers, before fax machines.  There were IBM Selectric typewriters and copy machines.)  I was hired as one of 4 department managers on Monday; I was the only one left on Friday (and that was my last day).  Department 1:  Research.  They verified the addresses of the parties involved, the attorneys, the judges, the courts.  By phone or yellow pages.  Department 2:  Copy Services.  Put the pages of the documents one by one into the copy machine and push the button. Seriously.  Department 3:  Binding.  Yes, literally put the plastic binding on the copied documents.  Department 4:  Sales.  Sit in rows and rows of school-type desks in a room with a phone and a list of attorneys and try to sell the documents to the other side.  Sound like Hell?  It was.  Aside from the less-than-interesting duties, the owners were two horrible sisters who mostly communicated with employees by scolding.  I was the last one to give my notice at the end of the week (I was still trying to make the best of it).  I tried to give 2 weeks notice but they said, no problem, that could be my last day.  Whew.  From there to:

Gould Electrical Systems:  I was older and wiser now!  I asked questions like, "What would my specific duties be?  What would an average day look like?  Why did the person before me leave?".  What I DIDN'T ask my immediate boss was, "Are you retiring in 6 months and therefore a lame duck with very little to do?  Can all of those duties you outlined be accomplished in approximately 2 hours per week?  Did the 2 ladies that I supervise both want this job and now hate me?  Are electrical systems mind-numbingly boring?"  Also my boss' name was Dick Heck (I can't make this stuff up), and it was very difficult for me to address him with a straight face.

Still determined to make the best of it, I noticed that Gould had an college-reimbursement program.  Since I had already read through all of the literature on electrical systems, I decided I'd go back to school on their dime.  I would have 4 days a week basically to do homework (the 2 ladies I supervised were reading 3 novels a week).  I had a math class to take before I could apply for the MBA program, so I signed up at Henry Ford Community College, bought the books and entered the class.  The "review" of Algebra II on the board as I walked in looked like hieroglyphics to me (problem:  classic math anxiety).  I got up, sold my books, dropped out of the class and started another job search in earnest.  That brought me to:

Watrous Associates.  My entree into the incentive world.  Third time is a charm apparently.  Had a great boss, worked there for 11 years until joining Design Incentives as a partner and found a real live career, not even remotely related to my major.  Back before Monster.com or LinkedIn, I actually answered an ad in the newspaper. I didn't even know there WAS an incentive industry.

The moral is:  do not be discouraged with your first jobs.  Finding out what you don't want is just as valuable as discovering what you DO want.  You can't say no until you get an offer, so go into every interview behaving as though you want that job - but if you see giant red flags, don't ignore them.  Don't be afraid to ask your contacts for introductions - as an employer, I'd much rather hire someone that has been recommended to me.  Ask good questions about your responsibilities.  Here's another little-known fact:  employers who have trouble keeping employees may misrepresent the position (?!).

Got a great story about your first job out of college?  I'd love to share it!

The Smart Girls Book Club

After working with primarily men for 30 years, I find myself spending an inordinate amount of time with women.  That could be because as we get older, women are infinitely more interesting, or it could be that I'm  subconsciously positioning myself with an alternative to the Red Hat Society once all our husbands are dead.

At any rate, I've always been a big reader, but have never been in a book club - until now:  The Smart Girls Book Club (for women with passion and purpose) meets once a quarter.  This time, we read "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg.

The room of about 30 women were accomplished and interesting - every one of us recognized ourselves in Sheryl's book and I found myself sitting in a room with some great material.  Some of the main points:

• almost every woman in the room had been called "bossy" growing up.  (After I read that chapter in the book I called my Mom to tell her she shouldn't have called me "bossy" - she should have said "I detect leadership potential in you!")
• Sheryl quotes a statistic that men feel they have to meet about 60% of the parameters to do a new job; women feel that they must meet or exceed every single requirement - that was consistent with most everyone's experience in the room
• Sandberg suggests that women "leave before they leave".  Men would never consider not going after a promotion because they might want kids some day; women do it when they're just thinking about thinking about it.  (Hopefully Marissa Meyer and others are showing better examples)

Some of the other stories in the room were:

-the woman who was performing well at an accounting firm, hating it every day for 2 years.  Finally she spoke to her boss to give notice.  He said this was a mistake, the best job she was every going to have.  She said she didn't think they were a good fit; she has asked for a raise a couple of times, she knew her under-performing male counterparts were paid more, yada yada.  He asked what she was going to do - she said she didn't have anything lined up but was confident.  Two weeks later at the going-away party that they threw for her, she was holding a piece of cake when one of the under-performing male colleagues approached her to ask what she was going to do.  She said, in fact, she had a job offer in the last 2 weeks and was going to a rival firm and would be working less and making 3 times as much as she was here.  He looked at her and said, that's great, now you'll have more time to make cakes like this (pointing to her piece of cake).  She had no words, but was confident that she made the right decision to leave!

-another woman just made partner in her accounting firm earlier this year.  On April 16th, they celebrate the end of tax season with a Partners dinner.  There are 8 male partners and this woman made the 3rd female partner.  After dinner, the male managing partner announced, "great job - let's all hit the cigar bar".  This woman said, "Seriously?" - yes, seriously.  (I'm guessing that even when the managing partner is a woman, she would be too considerate of her male/female audience to announce, "great job - let's all go get pedicures!")

-a woman working for an automotive company back in the day had similar experiences to mine:  at lunch, every one of the guys had a scotch in front of them.  She regularly chose to accompany customers and male co-workers to the topless bars, since that's where her company entertained customers.

-several of us who came of age in the 70's, tell stories to younger women who have never experienced anything like we did.  They're incredulous that there was a time when a woman who was gainfully employed and wanted to buy a car had to have her husband or father co-sign for her.  

A couple of the women in the group attributed their current success to their fathers, who regularly told them they could do anything they wanted, provided that they worked hard at it.  My Dad was in the girls-don't-need-to-go-to-college-they-just-need-to-know-how-to-type camp.  (As it happens, I DO have mad typing skills, which have come in quite handy in the computer age.)  I'm embarrassed to admit college didn't even occur to me until the middle of my senior year - I was on a secretarial track and college was never discussed.  Since there was no money for a university, the deal was that if I went to community college for 2 years, I could have the Process Blue Ford Maverick with the basketball-sized rust holes in the fenders.  Not pretty but it got me back and forth from school in Dearborn and work at Mama Mia's restaurant.  It's probably not even possible to finance a college education with a waitress job today.  But I digress....

The point is that even though none of us in the room have a job similar to the COO of Facebook, we all shared the same journey as Sheryl Sandberg.  The goal now is to share this information with younger women AND men so that the next generation doesn't need to learn all of this the hard way.  Here's hoping that the young women coming up are confident enough to Lean In to all of the exciting opportunities available to them.

Sales is like Dating

Have you ever thought about how sales can be like dating?  Here are some comparison's that are coming to mind...

Blind Date:  The Referral.  Just like your friends who love you and continually fix you up, so will customers who like you fix you up with others they think would be good business partners for you.  And that first meeting can be just as awkward - or it can be love at first sight.

Flirting:  you're attracted to a particular customer and begin "courting" them.  Flirting includes arranging to be at events where you might run into them, sending little gifts or tidbits of information you know are relevant to them, etc.

It's Just Lunch:  Like the "just lunch" dating site where fix-ups only meet for lunch so that they can easily detach if it's not going well, some first client meetings are also just for coffee so that they can extricate themselves quickly if possible.

The Third Date:  Time to decide if you're going to get serious.  Maybe a test project or two; you can't put it off much longer if you're going to keep the supplier's interest.  The expression, "they're in bed with that customer/supplier" starts here.

The Jerk:  As we know from life, all dates don't turn out well. You'll know if you've found a jerk because they never follow through and clearly demonstrate that their time is more valuable than yours. They ask for time-consuming proposals and then never review them.  They set meetings and don't even cancel - they're just not there when you show up.  They ask for free products or services but won't commit to a project and dodge your email/phone calls/texts.  Jerks don't get better; believe the warning signs.  Lose this one and move on.

End of Party manners:  While dating, it can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years for the party manners to end.  In real life it's when men burp and fart in front of you, he's seen you without makeup, you've got a sense of the real person now.  In business, this translates to low introductory pricing returning to "regular" rates, they may start to feel like one of your customers vs. your ONLY customer, etc.

Living Together:  You've got projects but they don't have you under contract yet.  This is where you both see if you can get along for the long term but aren't yet ready to make a firm commitment.

Marriage:  Honeymoon phase.  A long-term contract is signed, rules relax and you can possibly entertain the execs, meet spouses, socialize and solidify the union.  Everyone is happy and basking in the glow of the new relationship.

Marriage:  We're Comfortable.  The honeymoon is over, you're comfortable with each other and can pretty much predict actions and reactions now.  The supplier gets a little lax, lulled by the security of the long-term contract.  The customer no longer closely monitors this any may assign the relationship to a subordinate.  This is risky behavior and the perfect time for a new supplier to make a move.

Infidelity:  We're comfortable, hanging around in sweatpants, not paying a whole lot of attention to the relationship - it's functional but not especially exciting.  But wait: there's a new supplier flirting with you.  They are shiny and new and wear suits and dresses.  They are spending a lot of energy trying to get to know you, what interests you, what you'd like.  Your flattered and decide it might be fun to "just have lunch" and test the waters....

And around and around it goes.  Beware the Comfortable Marriage phase.  As a potential new supplier, that was my favorite phase and the signal to start flirting - many new accounts have been gained by taking advantage of the complacency of the current supplier.  If you ARE the current supplier, don't take that customer for granted - keep that relationship exciting!

Girls Playing Business

When I started calling on corporate clients in the late 70's and early 80's, in some aspects, it was fun being a woman in a man's world - primarily automotive.  Few vendor contacts were women, fewer customer contacts were women so it was easy to capture attention.  In some cases, easier to get in the door but much harder to be taken seriously.

Back then, it really was the big boys club stereotype.  People still had 3-martini lunches.  Dinners, followed by a full night of drinking was routine.  As you might imagine, this was risky behavior for a female sales rep even if she wanted to participate in such activities.

I had one Distributor who was at times both a client and a competitor - we had a cordial relationship and would meet once every 6 months or so for lunch.  He was much older than me and I think saw himself as a sort of mentor (let's call him Morrie).  Morrie was doing tons of automotive business and had the whole entertainment thing down.  He had lots of fun stories that included drunken trips to exotic locations, suites at the Palace, tickets to any sporting event, and my personal favorite:  hookers.  This was his routine every Tuesday for one very large-volume client:  Morrie would check into a high-end hotel in downtown Birmingham and let the call girl into the room and pay her.  Morrie would sit in the lobby reading a newspaper with the key on the table next to him (that was back in the day when this hotel had actual room numbers on actual keys - not the electronic cards that are used today).  The client would walk through the lobby at noon, pick up the key and go up to the room.  Morrie would read the paper until the client came back down, left the key on the table and went on his way.  Words were rarely spoken.

Morrie cracked me up because he was quite self-righteous about this, explaining that this was an acceptable service to perform for a client, but he drew the line at drugs; he would NOT get drugs for a client.  I always left those lunches feeling like a little girl "playing" business - I would have no idea how to obtain a hooker for a client - and no guarantee as to how I might react to being asked for one!  I decided to believe that I must have looked like the type of vendor that had no triple-secret hooker connections.  (I could live with that!)

As companies began to be sued for sexual harassment, more women entered the workforce at upper levels and companies began to crack down on what were considered reimbursable expenses, this behavior eventually diminished.  A few male colleagues were actually relieved - they never enjoyed this activity but it was the way that business was done.  My first boss in the industry who was best described as a "gentleman"  said he never felt sleazier than he did walking out of an adult movie theatre at 2:00 on a sunny weekday  afternoon.

The economy played a part as well as business got tough and people had to actually perform their job responsibilities and didn't have all afternoon to hang out in strip clubs - but I'm giving the majority of the credit to the entrance of more women into the workforce who brought a culture of civility with them!