Sales is like Dating

Have you ever thought about how sales can be like dating?  Here are some comparison's that are coming to mind...

Blind Date:  The Referral.  Just like your friends who love you and continually fix you up, so will customers who like you fix you up with others they think would be good business partners for you.  And that first meeting can be just as awkward - or it can be love at first sight.

Flirting:  you're attracted to a particular customer and begin "courting" them.  Flirting includes arranging to be at events where you might run into them, sending little gifts or tidbits of information you know are relevant to them, etc.

It's Just Lunch:  Like the "just lunch" dating site where fix-ups only meet for lunch so that they can easily detach if it's not going well, some first client meetings are also just for coffee so that they can extricate themselves quickly if possible.

The Third Date:  Time to decide if you're going to get serious.  Maybe a test project or two; you can't put it off much longer if you're going to keep the supplier's interest.  The expression, "they're in bed with that customer/supplier" starts here.

The Jerk:  As we know from life, all dates don't turn out well. You'll know if you've found a jerk because they never follow through and clearly demonstrate that their time is more valuable than yours. They ask for time-consuming proposals and then never review them.  They set meetings and don't even cancel - they're just not there when you show up.  They ask for free products or services but won't commit to a project and dodge your email/phone calls/texts.  Jerks don't get better; believe the warning signs.  Lose this one and move on.

End of Party manners:  While dating, it can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years for the party manners to end.  In real life it's when men burp and fart in front of you, he's seen you without makeup, you've got a sense of the real person now.  In business, this translates to low introductory pricing returning to "regular" rates, they may start to feel like one of your customers vs. your ONLY customer, etc.

Living Together:  You've got projects but they don't have you under contract yet.  This is where you both see if you can get along for the long term but aren't yet ready to make a firm commitment.

Marriage:  Honeymoon phase.  A long-term contract is signed, rules relax and you can possibly entertain the execs, meet spouses, socialize and solidify the union.  Everyone is happy and basking in the glow of the new relationship.

Marriage:  We're Comfortable.  The honeymoon is over, you're comfortable with each other and can pretty much predict actions and reactions now.  The supplier gets a little lax, lulled by the security of the long-term contract.  The customer no longer closely monitors this any may assign the relationship to a subordinate.  This is risky behavior and the perfect time for a new supplier to make a move.

Infidelity:  We're comfortable, hanging around in sweatpants, not paying a whole lot of attention to the relationship - it's functional but not especially exciting.  But wait: there's a new supplier flirting with you.  They are shiny and new and wear suits and dresses.  They are spending a lot of energy trying to get to know you, what interests you, what you'd like.  Your flattered and decide it might be fun to "just have lunch" and test the waters....

And around and around it goes.  Beware the Comfortable Marriage phase.  As a potential new supplier, that was my favorite phase and the signal to start flirting - many new accounts have been gained by taking advantage of the complacency of the current supplier.  If you ARE the current supplier, don't take that customer for granted - keep that relationship exciting!

Girls Playing Business

When I started calling on corporate clients in the late 70's and early 80's, in some aspects, it was fun being a woman in a man's world - primarily automotive.  Few vendor contacts were women, fewer customer contacts were women so it was easy to capture attention.  In some cases, easier to get in the door but much harder to be taken seriously.

Back then, it really was the big boys club stereotype.  People still had 3-martini lunches.  Dinners, followed by a full night of drinking was routine.  As you might imagine, this was risky behavior for a female sales rep even if she wanted to participate in such activities.

I had one Distributor who was at times both a client and a competitor - we had a cordial relationship and would meet once every 6 months or so for lunch.  He was much older than me and I think saw himself as a sort of mentor (let's call him Morrie).  Morrie was doing tons of automotive business and had the whole entertainment thing down.  He had lots of fun stories that included drunken trips to exotic locations, suites at the Palace, tickets to any sporting event, and my personal favorite:  hookers.  This was his routine every Tuesday for one very large-volume client:  Morrie would check into a high-end hotel in downtown Birmingham and let the call girl into the room and pay her.  Morrie would sit in the lobby reading a newspaper with the key on the table next to him (that was back in the day when this hotel had actual room numbers on actual keys - not the electronic cards that are used today).  The client would walk through the lobby at noon, pick up the key and go up to the room.  Morrie would read the paper until the client came back down, left the key on the table and went on his way.  Words were rarely spoken.

Morrie cracked me up because he was quite self-righteous about this, explaining that this was an acceptable service to perform for a client, but he drew the line at drugs; he would NOT get drugs for a client.  I always left those lunches feeling like a little girl "playing" business - I would have no idea how to obtain a hooker for a client - and no guarantee as to how I might react to being asked for one!  I decided to believe that I must have looked like the type of vendor that had no triple-secret hooker connections.  (I could live with that!)

As companies began to be sued for sexual harassment, more women entered the workforce at upper levels and companies began to crack down on what were considered reimbursable expenses, this behavior eventually diminished.  A few male colleagues were actually relieved - they never enjoyed this activity but it was the way that business was done.  My first boss in the industry who was best described as a "gentleman"  said he never felt sleazier than he did walking out of an adult movie theatre at 2:00 on a sunny weekday  afternoon.

The economy played a part as well as business got tough and people had to actually perform their job responsibilities and didn't have all afternoon to hang out in strip clubs - but I'm giving the majority of the credit to the entrance of more women into the workforce who brought a culture of civility with them!

Golf for Girls

Every corporation that I called on had a golf tournament of some kind, most of my customers played golf, every conference I attended had a golf outing - and I was by the pool.  Reading by the pool is still my first love, but when I was 35, I decided that the single best thing I could do to improve my business was to learn to play golf.

I attended a golf clinic for executive women and met golf pro Bob Moss.  He asked why I had attended the clinic and I told him that I needed to learn to play.  I didn't have to be great, but I needed to look like I knew what I was doing, needed to understand the etiquette, basic rules and the lingo.  He said, "we can work with this!"  He signed me up for lessons and husband Dave came along for the ride.  (Dave turned out to be a real golf nut, has become much too familiar with the Rules of Golf and marshaled several tournaments over the years; I accomplished the basic goals I set for myself).

If you are in an industry where golf plays a role, get yourself to a professional for some lessons (do NOT let your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend teach you).  If you have a decent swing, can play on pace and understand the etiquette - it doesn't matter what you score, you'll be ahead of most amateur golfers (including men) and will be able to hold your own in a scramble or golf outing.  I've played with many men over the years who brag that they are self-taught, "never took a lesson in my life"...and its obvious.  In my experience, only Bubba Watson can back up this statement.  Take some lessons.

Here is a basic rule of golf (and life):  men exaggerate their prowess.  I'm amused that almost every time I play golf with men, some seem to be having an unusually "bad day" and spend quite a bit of time rattling off low scores from previous rounds.  Girls:  spend absolutely no time being intimidated by what you THINK it will be like to play golf with men - you'll be fine.

It's much harder to get people out of their offices today - we have a 24/7 work day/week now - but if you have a customer or prospect who is a real golf enthusiast, you may find it much easier to get them to play golf than book a meeting.  Find a charity scramble at a great course and invite customers/prospects to play.  That may be a little easier to sell to their bosses, or they may even choose to take a personal day to play.  And if you have connections and can play at an exclusive country club that they haven't played, they will probably prefer to play their own round vs. a scramble.  If there is an opportunity to put together a foursome and play business matchmaker at the same time, even better.  Finding others who your customer might like to know will be a bonus. The more you talk to and research your customer, the better you'll be able to determine what might appeal to them.  And if playing isn't your thing, contract with a local golf pro to host a clinic with a complimentary swing analysis for your customers - it's very hard for a real golf freak to resist free advice from a Pro.

If your customers hold their own golf outing, find out how to participate - as a golfer, as a sponsor, whatever you can do.  You'll find that whether or not you have current business to discuss, you'll always have golf as a conversation starter.

Now that I've established that one should be professional, respectful and follow the rules of the game and the course, let me tell you about my 40th birthday....(this is a little bit "you had to be there" so I'll just review the highlights):

My ex-partner, Karen and I have birthdays 2 weeks apart.  For our 40th, we decided to have a company golf outing.  Unfortunately, not many of our employees played golf.  Eight women started drinking vodka and lemonade at lunch and then went out to play.  (For the record, husbands/boyfriends were playing behind us and were there to drive us home - we maybe should have had them driving our carts also.)  Our HR manager was acting as our private drink cart, shuttling back and forth to the clubhouse for drinks.  We did not think to review course etiquette with her and found her driving over tees and greens as she took the shortest route back to the clubhouse.

We were 4 to a cart (there were bag extenders on the carts), so 2 were in the seats and 2 were balanced precariously on the side fenders of the golf carts.  As you might imagine, there were a few spills and a few broken clubs that didn't make it back into the bags and got dragged around - but only one pants-wetting as we laughed until one of us peed.  Come to think of it, I believe the laughing was caused by the Office Manager talking about sex with our Salesperson who was her niece (while one was talking, one had her fingers in her ears humming Mary Had a Little Lamb).  And I think it was the vodka talking.

One of the participants was headed to her grandmother's funeral after the outing.  She had a long drive after the event and really had trouble tearing herself away from us.  She finally left but had no time to go home and change, so went directly to the funeral.  She served as one of the pall-bearers in her grandmother's funeral in her golf clothes, smelling of vodka and lemonade.  (At least she wasn't the one that peed her pants - that would have been awkward.)

Ultimately, we found that it speeded up play if we refrained from putting.  We decided that once we got to the green, we were done.  Ladies - I can tell you that this also significantly improves your score (although it might not fly in a tournament or outing situation.)  This also debunks the myth that women are the cause of slow play.  If you have ever watched a foursome of men examine putts from at least 12 angles before they miss it, you would understand the reason for slow play. Skip putting - food for thought, guys.

There are LOTS of stories about women entering the oldest boys club of golf.  Here's one of my favorites regarding equality on the course that ties in nicely with my birthday story:

A country club didn't allow women on the golf course.  Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women to play during the week.

The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became active.  After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter.  After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.  After due deliberation, the Board sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal urinating privileges!

People are Weenies (Spoiler Alert: this post is kind of one of the bitter ones...)

Why can't people just do what they say they're going to do?  The beauty of being over 50 is that (at least in my personal life), I've jettisoned most of the unreliable people in my life (except family, you don't get to jettison them - you just have to work around them).  If you have people in your life that you can always count on - hang onto them!

If you have ever served on a volunteer committee of some sort, these people are like gold.  Over all these years in sales and dealing with other sales people, I don't understand why any monkey that can listen and follow through isn't rich.

WEENIES I HAVE KNOWN
As Design Incentives, one of our functions was as a manufacturer's representative.  Most reps are at the mercy of the manufacturer:  they set the commission rate, they decide whether to drop the commission on a big deal, they decide how much work you'll do for your low commission rate.  If you're a good rep, it looks easy.  The manufacturer doesn't see the (literally) years of working to get in that client's door, preparing many proposals and program outlines before you actually get any business, proving yourself with smaller projects, all of the time and energy put into securing and maintaining that client, learning their culture and politics, etc.  Once secured, it looks like orders just roll in effortlessly and the manufacturer ultimately decides that they are paying you money for nothing.

Most manufacturers hold sales meetings annually that include all of the reps from around the country (our territory was Michigan; we had counterparts all over the U.S.).  Reps are big talkers at the bar when discussing unfair policies of particular manufacturers.  (This is the part where I throw former counterpart colleagues under the bus:  you know who you are...):

On many occasions, the reps were fired up in the bar but when we got to the meeting, Karen or I would speak up and, instead of supporting us as discussed, the other reps would spend a lot of time looking at their shoes so that we looked like the only complaining bitches in the room.  You can't really blame them - in many situations, if you refuse to accept an unfair policy, there are many desperate souls behind you happily ready to accept it - for awhile.

GOOD CUSTOMER/BAD CUSTOMER
As suppliers, when you find a customer willing to fight internally for their convictions - do whatever you need to do to hang onto that customer.  I have been very fortunate to work with some really intelligent people who were willing to do what was best for the business and we worked hard to find their solution.  I stayed in touch with those people and follow them from company to company where possible.  But there are always exceptions:

In the 1990's we had an automotive program that rewarded dealers for purchasing manufacturer auto parts; the dealers accrued points based on their purchases that they redeemed for merchandise rewards.  The #1 redeeming item was (4) filet mignon from a gourmet food supplier.  One day, an executive was overheard in the hall asking, "what in the world does meat have to do with auto parts?".   Rather than presenting concrete data (that we provided) on exactly how those steaks were responsible for  moving hundreds of thousands of dollars in auto parts, our contact simply removed the steaks from the reward selection without any discussion at all. (See previous posts about the unwillingness to ask the boss a question:  let's just assume what they might want...). This was absolutely the wrong thing for the program.  (of course we were biased, but we had the whole merchandise program - we weren't losing sales, just depriving the participants of the #1 favored item.)  It took 3 years and 2 personnel changes for us to get the steaks back into the reward selection where they shot back to the #1 redeemed item again.

GROW A PAIR
It's also quite common for customers to throw weight around that they don't have.  Rule of thumb:  the more they demand and the more important they make themselves sound, the less juice they have.  I learned this the hard way as I played the testosterone game only to have them go limp later when I needed them.

What I've found over 30 years in business - whether you are the supplier, the client or the manufacturer, male or female - balls are in short supply.  The courage to fight (diplomatically) for the right thing for the customer or the business is very rare.

It's been said that people join organizations but quit bosses.  In the last 5 years as companies laid off tens of thousands of employees, we often saw full teams move from one organization to another as employees followed non-weenie bosses to the next company. I imagine that one of the selling features in a job interview would be the strength of the team that you can bring with you.

So moral of this story: don't be a weenie.  If you're not going to do something, that's okay - just don't act like you're going to do it or actually TELL someone that you'll do it:  Just Say No.  Caution:  once you have a reputation for doing what you say you'll do, everyone will want you on their committee or in their department, but you'll be building a reputation of trust along the way, and maybe future job opportunities because of it.

Fantasy Fulfillment

When my partner Karen and I had the opportunity to bid on a large automotive project that would involve fulfillment, we decided that if we were awarded the project, we'd set up our own fulfillment company.  We would stock the merchandise and then pick, pack and ship assembled kits to vehicle owners.

Karen was working with the customer and I was flying around visiting other rep firms who ran fulfillment companies so that we could learn from other's mistakes.  We did get the program, set up our fulfillment business and decided to call it Fulfillment Force.  Our attorney thought a better name for the company that two 30-something women were running would be Fantasy Fulfillment - he had no idea how prophetic that would be (and he never referred to that company by any other name...).

After the automotive program ended (I'll circle back to this in another post), Karen retired and I had 30,000 sq. ft. of warehouse space to fill.   At the time, we were doing national fulfillment for World Kitchen (Pyrex, Corningware and similar brands) and handled customer service in addition to shipping the product.

Our Operations Manager, bless his heart (isn't that what people say when efforts are just a little misguided?), was very ambitious and to his credit, always looking for new fulfillment projects.  One day he brought me a company that sold, um, recreational products for consenting adults (okay, sex toys).  Naturally, I was apprehensive - this was a little outside of the premium brands that we were currently carrying for corporate incentive program use.  The Ops Manager assured me that we would only be doing picking and shipping for their internet business - no customer service.  (I could not have the phone operators talking about Corningware on one line and features and benefits of dildos on the other....)

One of my picker/packers was a southern bible-carrying grandmother.  She pulled me aside one day in the warehouse and said in her Tennessee drawl, "Now Barb, you know I love my job but I just can't touch that stuff".  (She got a pass and we moved her to World Kitchen only).

As it turns out, this company had no marketing plan whatsoever and apparently believed that if you build it, they will come (I'm so very sorry for that one).  Eventually, orders trailed off and the company stopped paying their bill.  We were left with pallets full of sex toys that made for very interesting bachelor and bachelorette party gifts for many years.

This is a cautionary tale about letting desperation be the boss of you - it's better in the long run to pass on customers that aren't a good match for your business - even if you need the revenue at the time and it's tempting. Our sex toy experience taught us a valuable lesson about being true to our brand and also caused us to step back and define the types of clients that made sense for us:  those with marketing plans! (If there is no marketing, there are no sales and nothing to fulfill.)  I've made many more mistakes that I'll be sharing along the way, but none as fun as this one.

Lessons from my Mommy

It's Mother's Day this Sunday and the blogosphere is full of inspiring stories from prominent people telling how their Mothers encouraged them.  Evidently most high-achievers had Moms who told them they could be anything they wanted, gave them pearls of wisdom to guide them through relationships, handling money, negotiating corporate politics, raising children and much more.

Fortunately, my Mom is still with me; here are the messages I remember most over the years:

-If you don't have something nice to say...come sit next to me.

-If there are two of you in a situation and a resolution means that one of you has to be unhappy...it should be the other one.

-There is no such thing as a non-returnable item from a store.  (WAY back before accommodating warehouse clubs and Nordstrom customer service, my Mom was returning underwear, bathing suits, opened packages of anything and my personal favorite:  wigs).  Which leads into the family favorite:

-Exchanging in the bedroom.  (If my Mom is conflicted about a gift, she buys a small and a medium, in blue and in brown, wraps up one and when you open it, lets you know that you can exchange it in the bedroom.  Then she returns the other 3 to the store after the birthday).

Not really life-changing advice, yet my Mom has certainly changed lives.  When I was 19, she and my Dad divorced.  When I was 26, she remarried my step-Dad who has 6 kids.  I have a brother so that made 8 kids ranging from 26 to 15.  Some of us were in various stages of marriage, school or work; 5 remained at home.

My step-brothers and sisters lost their Mom right after the youngest child was born (breast cancer was discovered right after she became pregnant).  So all 6 kids were raised by a very busy Dad and a series of housekeepers and one step-Mom that only lasted a short time ( imagine the von Trapp children in a small ranch in Garden City). 

Not really known for her sports prowess, Mom joined a bowling league to spend more time with the girls, attended all of the high school sports activities, made cupcakes and cookies for school events, drove friends around, hosted parties and made a big deal out of birthdays and Christmas for kids who did not grow up with this, all while working full time.  I'm not telling tales out of school when I say that my step-Dad lacked the feminine touch with the girls.  The grade-school pictures reveal  identical crewcuts for the boys and lovely bowl haircuts for the girls, so  they did not quite know what to make of Mom's ratted hair, hair spray, make-up and shoulder pads (it was the 80's!).  One of Mom's biggest strengths is that she knows exactly who she is and makes no apologies.

She is an unabashed Red Hat lady and like everything she does, she goes big or she goes home.  We're talking big feathered hats, boas, long red gloves, flowing purple dresses.  She is a great friend and the ring-leader in arranging events (not usually running it - just telling the one who's running it what to do!)  She's generous to a fault and can't stand to see someone without a friend, without a present or without someone to spend a Holiday with.  She stops what she's doing and gives full attention when we are in the mood to talk; she is a grandma on steroids (or as she likes to say, on Demerol).  The grandkids have great memories of spending the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house, and going on the many adventures that involved all 10 of her grandkids.  She's in the process of spoiling the first great-grand.

My Mom grew up with a younger brother with Down's syndrome who no doubt got most of the attention and family resources.  She got married and had me when she was 19, and if she had big dreams of a different future, I don't know about them.  After my grandparents died, she worked tirelessly to find the best group home facility for my Uncle and then drove 4 hours every month to take him to a hotel for the weekend, which always included dinner out, and a movie or visit to the zoo or park.  She continues to struggle with severe rheumatoid arthritis for the past several years yet never complains or talks about the pain that is obviously with her every day.

Of course, she's not totally perfect.  The family has many stories of Mom finding the long way around a problem and her temper is legendary when she's arguing with a clerk at a store (probably trying to return that wig!) or with a referee (she doesn't get physical but she HAS been the source of a technical foul or two at the kids games).  And she MIGHT tend to dwell on an issue for longer than necessary.  There is a line from Secrets of the Ya-Ya- Sisterhood that Ellen Burstyn uses to describe her character that I think perfectly captures my Mom:  "I take a problem, chew on it until all the flavor is gone, and then I stick it in my hair".

My Mom doesn't quote platitudes or push us to excel or ask what we're doing to make the world a better place at the dinner table.  She just shows us every day by example what it is to be a caring Mom and friend and I can't imagine a better role model.  Happy Mother's Day to my non-famous yet very special life-changing Mom.

Mildly Militant

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, has recently written a book entitled, Lean In, which is generating some discussion.  Sheryl suggests that women may be holding themselves back from career advancement and I don't disagree. She is also hoping to reboot the women's movement with this book and the Lean In Foundation.  (Great info here on navigating corporate politics, finding a mentor and other tips for young women entering the workforce).

Sometimes, women are too polite - we don't want to offend, we don't want to interrupt, we're happy to take our turn and above all, we go to extremes to avoid being called the dreaded B-word.

I wear the Bitch label as a badge of honor because I know what it means:  you have strong ideas and opinions, you're decisive and results-oriented.  (There's a difference between being a bitch and being bitchy - for the record, I'm guilty of both.)  Even if you don't interrupt, you make your point known and have the audacity to expect and insist that the people around you to do what they say they'll do.

Sheryl gives some great insights on navigating corporate politics, which dovetails nicely with a another movement to increase the percentage of women on corporate boards.  This only makes sense since women represent 51% of the population, and women make 90% of the buying decisions for most households, so why wouldn't you want that point of view represented on your board?  We've come a long way but like many "good girls", we haven't gone all the way.

Women make great leaders - we can manage all kinds of personalities, we are more concerned about results than taking credit (sometimes to our detriment) and we're good at building consensus.  Imagine what we could accomplish if more women were in government!  Here in Michigan, our first female Secretary of State streamlined processes, initiated on-line renewals and registrations and significantly improved service. Regardless of your politics or personal feelings about Hillary - put her in the White House and that bitch will get some shit done!

I'm concerned that young women who have never experienced discrimination on the basis of gender do not fully appreciate the history.  Let's not even go back as far as the Vote or Title IX  - you could just watch an episode of Mad Men to get the idea.  The year that I graduated from high school, if a woman wanted to buy a car, she needed her husband or her father to co-sign, regardless of her employment situation or income.  I'm trying to imagine the incredulous look on my niece's face today if a creditor were to suggest that her father co-sign for her.  Young women today think that "feminism" is an antiquated term and they give no thought at all to inequalities based on gender - thankfully, they haven't experienced any and just aren't aware of what was true less than a generation ago.

The reality is that we have made very little progress.  The number of women in government and corporate C-level positions has not grown in the last 10 years.  Is this because we're taking the short-cut by starting our own companies, we're not interested in making the sacrifices required to reach the C-Suite or we're not confident enough to put our own hat in the ring?

On the other hand, this could be the normal rebellious backlash that comes with every generation.  Our mothers were frustrated stay-at-home Moms; we didn't like the look of that so we went into the workforce with a vengeance.  Our daughters may not like the look of THAT and so many daughters of baby boomers are college educated, but choose to stay home and raise a family.  (And by the way, that's exactly what the women's movement was about:  choices.)

If you get a chance, look up this documentary:  MissRepresentation (.org)  It's a surprisingly shocking look at how women of power and influence are still portrayed in the media. I hope that Sheryl Sandberg and many like her are successful in the quest to reignite attention to this issue - we cannot afford any more backsliding.

Girls today really can grow up to do anything they want; let's encourage them to be all that they aspire to be without censoring themselves.